i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my being single is dangerous.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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