he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My life is pants optional.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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