Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
