The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
