he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
