I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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