you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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