my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
