So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
