i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
