Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The Olympian is in my bed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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