there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
