had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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