He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he thought i was a dude.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
