Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
