Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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