just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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