She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
