so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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