life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
