Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i drank out of a bidet.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
