I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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