I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
