Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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