They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
