My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
