well I can't set my house on fire every night
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
