Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
