I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
