i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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