I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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