When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
