I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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