Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
