Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
