Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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