I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
