Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
