At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
