well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
