Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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