Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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