You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
