new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
