Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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