Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
