the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
