my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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