He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
