i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
