It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
